My Recent Thoughs on the Last Year (as seen on Facebook)

ever feel like you miss someone more than expected?
like there should have been more time before you went your seperate paths?

i have been thinking about thoses kinds of things a lot lately. in the result of my constant (sometimes annoying) thinking, i have come to a realization. i realized that i wasn't really missing the people that had come to mind. instead, i was truly missing how they had become a kind of security blanket for me. in those 4 or 5 relationships, i allowed myself to be ingnorant towards things or behaviors that really bothered me (now i'm not talking about just habits they had that annoyed me, i'm talking about things that truly were not o.k. with me).

back then, everything was "perfect." the more that my so-called "perfection" seemed threatened, the more i would stretch myself to make sure that everyone stayed happy. in my mind, if i kept everyone else happy, then by default, of course, i would also be happy. as you could imagine, harsh consequences ensued. along with the relational consequences (pushing a few away and losing what could have become close friends), my happiness was non-existant. changing myself so drastically for those people was never my brightest moment. behind my stretching and changing, i found that one of my personal fears was the true culprit. that fear is "if it's no longer 'perfect,' if i stop pleasing everyone, i will be left alone in the end." of course this is silly because i know that i can count on my friends to be there for me whenever i need you, even if i don't know it. (thanks guys!;))

my goal for my senior school year is to not allow myself to stretch so far as to the point of certain breaking again. of course i will still try to be flexible and help out whenever i can (because i love you guys and love to be able to help you out however i can), but now i will be reminding myself that i can not please everyone, and that's alright.

-katie-