New Year, New Friends, and New Experiences

It's finally my senior year, which of course brings about a bunch of different questions and thoughts. Last year I had no idea what I wanted to do after graduation, no idea what college, what major, or anything of that sort. I couldn't even picture myself deciding on those types of things. But right now, half way through my senior year, I seem to have all my future schooling figured out. I picked out a college (Indiana Weslyan), as well as a major (phsyc.), and I know where I want to end up after college (counselor). I even know who I'm going to room with.

So what exactly is wrong?

Here I am on New Years Eve realizing how many of my friends are truly friends, and not just people I talk to a lot. My friends from my highschool are mostly just people who I hang out with in school, we don't really share anything deep between us. My older friends from the local public highschool are mostly all faded away, relationships that never were really cultivated. Somewhere along the way, we all had different things that we had higher on the priority list. I still talk to a few of them, but we rarely get together. There is one friend who I've known for quite sometime. Her and I are like two peas in a pod. We have never fought about anything (besides joking around). But now she has a new guy in her life, and I haven't seen as much of her. (which won't hurt our friendship, it's one of those that I know if I didnt talk to her in like a month, we could get together and pick up right where we left off) Then I have the 3 or 4 friends that I used to be really close with, and I still hang out with every once in a while.

A few days ago I was really feeling discouraged, feeling left out. Which really started all of this thinking. It really is my fault that I haven't made many lasting connections. I look back and see a pattern, friendships starting, something else comes up, and they fall to the wayside. I can't go blaming other people for not being there as a close friend, when I haven't really included them deeper in my personal life. I never really initialized those important deep conversations. (ex. like what exactly we believe in, how we are really doing beneath the mask, what really is going on at home, what we're truly afraid of, and what we truly want.) I could sit here and point fingers at a ton of people who didn't make an effort in our friendship, but I know there are pleanty of people who could point the same finger back at me.

You'd be surprised at how lonely someone really is beneath their smiling face, crying out for more attatchments to the world. This year I've decided to actually make a resolution or two for the rest of my senior year. Are you ready for them?

1. Making more of an effort to stay connected and grow my already existing relationships
2. Sharing more of myself in those relationships
3. Reaching out to other people who are screaming out for a deeper connection, not letting them end up where I have.

In about 10 hours it will officially be 2009, and then 5 months will fly by and I will be walking up the stage to get my diploma. I know where I want to be when I shake Mr. Carmens hand, when I throw my cap in the air, and I am determined to accomplish those 3 goals.

Happy New Year everyone!
-katie